nothing more than neurotic & divinely chaotic thoughts.
Walls so wide and up so tall because I just realized I’m still afraid of standing up to you.
So much time has passed, so many minuets to heal, but time alone doesn’t change a thing.
So much space between us and yet I still feel gripped with ill at the thought of confronting you.
A clock just tick tocking with time, my minuets lost in a tedious rhyme. Time has healed nothing. How curious.
So very fatigued, so very weary of this road, I don’t have the capacity, don’t have the colour to keep walking.
Just bear with me a moment while I lay here on the floor, perfect, now ready for you to walk over some more.
I thought I was a boss, a bitch in heels, heels bigger than your prick. But I was fooling you all, mostly myself.
What nonsense. My head and my heart are out of step. What I know to be true and what my core feels, Together can’t be kept.
I say it’s for me, for the peace I seek. It’s just simpler to do as you ask, I think silence is the key. Yes sir, no sir, three bags full sir.
Lies I tell myself over and over, until I think its my truth. Until I say it was my choice, until I’m convinced it was all my fault.
Well we know it was, it was all me. My tired despair seeps slowly down my skin. Something has to change I can’t keep giving in.
I give away too much of me, allow you to take more than you should. Time, so much passed but right now in this moment, today it all remains..
In this moment when I stand before you the pit of my being is filled with cold black butterfly’s in chaotic swirling motion.
Today, right now I feel black prickly anxiety wash over me at the thought of saying no to you.
But we have so few precious moments in time, I continue to give you too many of mine.
Years have passed between us and I’m still a puppet. You don’t hold all of my cords anymore, but just enough to cause me havoc.
As sure as the sun will rise and set one day I will clasp a pair of perfectly shiny scissors and cut each thread.
One day, just not yet. But one day.