Fragments of a Female Consciousness….

nothing more than neurotic & divinely chaotic thoughts.

Words caught in the slip stream of my flight

Words caught in the slip stream of my flight

Ill love you more
In this moment, just open the door
Don’t leave me now
I can’t stand to be alone
Take my throat
My heart is in a knot
This music of love
Washes over my being
I’m fucking crazy
Crazy for me
Crazy for you
Losing my mind
Gloriously I think I can find
My sanity
My sanity in your words
Your sanity in my words
Exactly where I’m supposed to be
Then why am I here?
Tonight with words
Words and music
And the sound of you
In my head
Alone with so much noise
So much noise in my head
Not alone, not empty
Full. Filled up with all sorts of silly notions
Silly notions and cotton candy clouds
No idea of any of it
God, are you here?
In this moment with me
Are you here?
I’m not really anywhere
But I’m not no where either
Music and art and life and words
A tune in my heart
A prose in my fingers
A life yet to live
A meaning yet to find
Wondering heart
A dreaming mind
Something magic
Some kind of majestic beauty
A poem, a song
Words of rain
Making no sense
No sense at all
But it’s all completely me
Me, it’s all full of brilliant clarity
A flow of words
I’ve never felt such solidified thought
Inspired and alive
And grateful and confused
And you’re here, completely here
Fucking madness
All of it
Just words on a screen
Nothing more
It’s all so much more
The totality of my consciousness
The used
This fucked in the head
The scars on my being
My wings still to fly
The blackness I don’t give the time of day
The shade is power
And life
And alive, and black and cold
And me, good buy to me
Good buy to you
In this moment, exactly where I’m supposed to be.
I haven’t even been drinking
Not one drop.
Fuck me slowly
Fuck me slowly with your words
And your consciousness
Good buy to you.
Wasting my time
My time is all I have
Precious minuets
Precious hours
Wrinkles under my eyes
Lines left on my face
Time is all I have
Jumping off a bridge
With my black wings open
Dying to fly
Dying to soar
Dying to see
With eyes that cry black tears
Black tears of love and pain
Pain and light and love
The totality of me
What’s it all for
What’s the point?
In this moment I am me,
What is it all for
You’re here, he is here, I am here
Completely makes no sense
And yet I’m full of clarity
No response
No response required, it’s all rhetorical
I think I do need a glass of wine
Words, so many words
Where has it all come from?
The pain of words
Beauty of words
So much traffic in the words
Million of words,
Millions of words all over the world
Blogs, micro blogging, twitter
All forms of fucking social media
We are all dying to be heard,
All writing to be read.
So much traffic
We will all be lost,
All be smothered,
Lost in the cascade of Times New Roman
How are we any different?
We are not,
We are all the same
The same blood flowing through our veins
The same words flowing though our head
The same love flowing through our heart
Or are we.
We give notice to the Miley Cyrus’s of this world
This is what we give the Bold and Caps lock to
Is this all our joint consciousness if for
Social fucking media
A sports star
They are our hero’s
They are the ones we give the prime time slots to
When our nation is starving
The totality of pop culture
Popular culture
What a fucking shame
Is that it?
Is that really all it will ever be?
There must be more
There has to be, surely
My wings are dying to spread
Dying to fly
I can’t take another story of an ill behaved footballer
Some kind of romantic notion
Just an ideal, a fantasy
I’ve lost my breath
But for the first time
I’ve found my words
You’ve cut me
And now I’m bleeding
Just an idea
I’ve lost my breath
But my words flow
Like beautiful thick blood
Blood of velvet
Velvet pools of Times New Roman
A default font
Just like all the rest
For the first time
I’m not afraid of the dark
It’s just the other side of this beautiful coin
It is not socially acceptable
Negativity is not what I seek
Just about accepting the shade
As well as the light and love
Baby be all mine
My words are forever all the time
Songs in my head
My heart in your hands
Words in my fingers
Typing a tune on the letters of my keyboard
Not sure what my words are for
For me, nothing more
Ill be just fine
A clock, just ticking with time
An ocean just dripping with drops
A pile of rubbish
Just letters on a screen
All just nonsense I’m sure
Stand up,
I’m falling down
No pretty fucking butterfly here
My wings are black,
Free falling down
Feeling your icy cold breath under my wings
Black words on a screen
And now I’m alive.
Something brilliant
Delusions of grandeur.
Welcome to my fragmented,
Female consciousness.


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