Fragments of a Female Consciousness….

nothing more than neurotic & divinely chaotic thoughts.

Fundamental Female Skilz. Keeping house.

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Fail. Big fat fucking fail.

Right now in this moment, my house is a fucking chaotic mess. A mess. Like if someone poped over unexpectedly I would have a panick attack. Quite literaly.

But why, oh why!? Why can’t I just be like all the fucking rest. Why can’t I just get all my shit together. Why can’t my house look like a show home, with fresh flowers and cookies baking in the fucking oven.

It feels like there are a few things that as a woman we are intrinsicly, fundamentally, instinctively supposed to be good at. But I’m just not. Does that mean I’m not a real woman, or at best just not a successful one?

But realy, truly haven’t we moved past all that?! They declare we have! They say we have freedom now, we have choice & we have power. Do we? Do we realy!?

Is telling us that we don’t need to be a slave to all that shit the very thing that makes us rebel against doing it? And are we then sitting with our feminist morals in a messy house, annoyed because I’ve manicly sifted through this fucking pile of clothes a million fucking times and I can’t fucking find my favourite fucking bra!!! But I’m a woman damn it!! I have more important things to do then sort the fucking washing!!! Don’t I?!

Expectations. Pressure. What are we ‘supposed’ to be. A woman. I feel like there are two competing ideals tugging us this way and that. A woman, perfection, a perfect rag doll.

Keeping house. Keeping fucking house. A model, with abs of steal and an arse to catch a thousand eyes. To know how to be a lady and say sweet things when it matters but also know how to give head like there is no fucking tomorrow. Expect-fucking-tations.

I’m getting off topic. Ugh. Keeping house. I really do suck at it. My house goes through phases, where it’s clean and the cushions and flowers in vases are set just so, don’t sit on the fucking couch or you’ll mess up the cushions. And then I just let go, and the cascade of stuff that fills our house just takes over. From one extreme to the other. Granted a little manic I know. But it is what it is. It bothers me. I’m still working through why.

If its just because of social expectations then fuck it. But let’s be honest, it is annoying having to drink my morning juice out of a coffee mug because all of my 118 glasses are dirty.

Realy what’s a girl to do. Perspective. Just a lil perspective. We are all dressed. We are fed. We are loved. Our clothes are clean, healthy lunches packed. Heels are on. If I don’t need to impress you, then it doesent matter.

Truly I don’t think it does. I hate cleaning. It has to be done.

Cleaning like a boss does not mean I’m not honoring my feminist ideals. And not doing the dishes tonight because I’m exhausted, because I was up at 5am, been out of the house for 12 hours, got three people ready for work and school, came home, did the food shopping and then cooked tea: does not mean I’ve failed as a woman. Does not.

It’s all ok. Permission to just be. It is what it is. Permission.

DC

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3 comments on “Fundamental Female Skilz. Keeping house.

  1. Ninja Nikki
    September 18, 2013

    Love listening to & reading your babble/thoughts DC.
    You are pretty amazing.
    I’m not very good with poetry or writing, I’m more of a lyrics kind of girl.
    Since you’ve shared your thoughts with me, I thought I’d share some of my thoughts with you.
    These are some lyrics that relate to me at the moment.

    ‘Last Hope’
    Every night I try my best to dream
    Tomorrow makes it better
    And I wake up to the cold reality
    And not a thing is changed

    But it will happen
    Gotta let it happen
    Gotta let it happen
    Gotta let it happen

    It’s just a spark
    But it’s enough to keep me going

  2. Ninja Nikki
    September 18, 2013

    Lyrics that remind me of you:

    ‘Proof’
    It’s really hard,
    I can’t cry in your arms
    ‘Cause you’re not here
    It’s not your fault
    And if it was I wouldn’t care.

    My heart is bigger
    Than the distance
    In-between us.
    I know it ‘cause I
    Feel it beating.

    So strong it’ll knock you down
    So strong, so strong.

    Over here,
    I can’t count the miles away,
    From where I wanna be.
    I bet your skin is warm
    And that you’re smiling.

    Yeah, that’s what I always
    Loved the most about you.
    You’re so strong
    Come and knock me down, hey.

    Baby, if I’m half the man I say I am
    (Whoa-oh-oh), if I’m a woman with no fear
    Just like I claim I am, (whoa-oh-oh).
    Then I believe in what you say
    There’s nothing left for you to do
    The only proof that I need is you.

    ‘Grow up’
    We get along for the most part
    Me and reality, the light and the dark
    We live alone, two different worlds
    Me in a fantasy, you in your memories
    But we get along

    ‘Daydreaming’
    Living in a city of sleepless people
    Who all know the limits and won’t go too far outside the lines
    Cause they’re’ out of their minds.
    I wanna get out and build my own home
    On a street where reality is not much different from dreams I’ve had
    A dream is all I have…

  3. Handmade Jewelry
    September 19, 2013

    Pretty appropriate subdivision. I just came across your internet site and wanted to tell that I have genuinely enjoyed reading your opinions. AnyhowI’ll be coming back and I hope you post again soon.

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