nothing more than neurotic & divinely chaotic thoughts.
Before it all began. I read. I thought and I wrote. Thought about being better. thought about purpose and connections. About meaning and why Im exactly in this moment here.
So very tired of it all. All of this stuff. Of the pressure and expectations. Of talking about the pressure and expectations. Of spending so much time in my head. Of everything. Of life, of it not being where I wanted it to be. Of looking back and feeling as if I had failed. Not nearly good enough.
Looking for something. Looking for some kind of validation. Looking for love, or God, or an escape or cheap thrill. Looking for someone to hold my hand and tell me its all ok.
Ive know forever that nothing external can make me feel peace. Nothing external can give me the happy I seek. But I know lots of things in my logical self. The issue lies when what I know to be truth does not align with what my being believes to be true.
Im worthy, of course I am. You are fucking discussing, a dreadful failure. Thats all just silly nonsense from years of habitual negative internal dialogue. If that is true, then why are you alone? There why is your life the failure that it is? Stop it. STOP it. Be cool, your fine. Don’t forget, don’t forget. Its just practise, thats all. Honestly, I promise. Practice to unlearn those limiting beliefs.
Keep going, don’t stop. Push, seek, keep going. You must keep going, whats the alternative? You’ve been close before, thats not a fun line to tread. keep going. The rise is just ahead.
Seek beauty. Seek nothing but light and love. Believe in truth and the power of human connections. Look for words of wisdom, seek inspiration. Surround your self with all the fucking positive clichés you can find. Fake it till you fucking make it.
Most of all find a way to truly believe your worthy. Im worthy. Remember. Don’t forget. Everything you already need is right here, you just have to believe it is.
We think we are all looking for love.
But really all we want is validation.
We are seeking our own self. We desire to see in some one else’s eyes our own reflection.
But the love we are all truly seeking already lies within us.
Reaching that realisation gives way to authentic , beautiful human connections that are not about need or want, but are based on giving true light and love.
The moment I realised that all I was really looking for was me, there was a shift in my existence. A shift in my state of being.
When I made a conscious choice to accept nothing but truth and light and love. When I chose to believe I am worthy. That I deserve all good, that life is amazing and full of these amazing miracles. In that moment all of life, all of things amazing things stared to cross my path.
Beautiful emails from a random Instagram poet, words like some kind of reflection. Some kind of beautiful validation.
In that moment, nothing more, nothing less.
I choose to be awake, I choose to be conscious. I choose to believe that I deserve all good. I choose to keep going, I choose to be thankful for the moments and the details.